Flip Nasty: Flame Cow Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (songs largely neither contained in, nor inspired by the film) About Flip Nasty: The three hardest-rockin' nerds in show business brought their groundbreaking fusion of jazz, metal, and acoustic alternative to the 90s par-tay too early. Before the cool kids got there. And as happens to nerds at par-tays, they were mercilessly teased, their starched white shirts smudged and torn asunder. But yet, they struggled on, continuing to strike up conversation upon dead-end conversation, certain that somewhere out there, someone would dig them for who they were. But now, that party's over, and Kip Winger is selling used cars. Maybe it's time to break out the old swank nerd rock, just one more time, just for you.... Members: John Fried: Bass John Speranza: Guitar Cody Weathers: Vocals, Drums, Keyboards About Flame Cow: Flame Cow is the epic tale of a heroic cow (in the classic tradition of heroic cows), a jaw-dropper gorgeous brainy milkmaid, and a cratchety old farmer who together must save the world from a deadly plague of clones unleashed in secret by a dark and brooding supervillain whose inky nebulous influence transcends geographic, political and cosmic borders at an alarming rate. Despite rumors circulating on the internet, the script was absolutely not written by robots. Flame Cow, the Movie: Directed by Alan Smithee. Produced by Frumples Pictures/Cosmonaut Films. Screenplay by Script Applicator 4.1 (TM) Flame Cow: Brian Costello Milkmaid Petra: Corinna Buchholz Farmer Johanssen: Krandler The President: A. Boring Gringor Stynx: Himself 'David Bowie': 'Himself' The Vice President: Mannequin Man Flame Cow FAQ: 1. Will Flame Cow be playing at my local theater multiplex chain? A. Maybe. Be sure to write 1-10 letters to your theater proprietors demanding that it be shown on the big screen. 2. Does Flame Cow have a girlfriend? A. We think so. 3. Does Flame Cow like carrots? A. Not as a rule. 4. If Flame Cow and R2D2 had a fight, who would win, and by how much? A. Flame Cow. 40-Love. 5. Who plays Flame Cow? A. Flame Cow is not so much played as lived for real by Brian Costello. 6. How does Flame Cow go to the bathroom? A. In much the same way as Incendiary Otter. 7. Why did George Lucas create Jar-Jar Binks? A. It's unconfirmed, but we believe Lucas may be just another clone. 8. If Flame Cow and Jar-Jar had a fight, who would win? A. It's tough to say. Jar-Jar is obviously at least as tough as a Wookie. 9. If Santa gets sick, will Flame Cow save Christmas? A. No, there will be no Christmas that year. 10. Will there be a Flame Cow II? A. No. As you have probably seen in the exciting and enticing trailer that gives everything away so that you'll want to see the movie even more desperately than if it was all a surprise, the surprise ending is that all the characters are killed --some of them twice. Director Alan Smithee talks about the making of Flame Cow (Excerpt from Torch & Bacon reprinted by permission) Interviewer: I've just seen the film, and I've got to confess that I don't understand it. Smithee: Have you considered that your brain may be undersized? I: Oh, I recognize the genius --I just don't understand it. S: That seems to be a common reaction from the undersized-brain crowd. I: Can you tell us about how the project got started? S: Well, Brian Costello, who plays the lead in the film, has a chemical imbalance in his brain. I: Excuse me? S: If this is too fast for your undersized brain to process, I can slow down. I: What is it with you and brains? S: I find that most people I meet have some manner of brain problem. Brian's brain problem is a chemical imbalance. The nature of this imbalance is such that he approached the people at Frumples Pictures and told them that he wanted to do an adaptation of the popular Norwegian comic book, Bål Ku, which roughly translates to 'Flame Cow.' The higher-ups at Frumples were very keen on making this happen because Brian is, hands-down, the best --or even 'only'-- dramatic talent ever to be attached to a Frumples Production. Furthermore, they were encouraged by the fact that Brian claimed to already have the Bål Ku adaptation rights, and they knew that in the current cinematic climate, comic book adaptations are solid gold --just think of The Phantom, The Saint, Batman & Robin, and As Good As It Gets, just to name a few.... I: I guess I don't see how this has anything to do with a 'chemical imbalance in Brian's brain.' It seems like a pretty standard pitch-and-catch to me. S: Sure, to the tiny-brained. Let me ask you something: in all your travels to Norway, have you ever heard of a comic book called Bål Ku? I: Well, I haven't actually been.... S: I don't have time to wait for your answer. Of course you haven't. That's because there is no Bål Ku comic book. Brian Costello is a seriously delusional baboon. I: So did you tell Frumples Pictures? S: Are you kidding? I'd sat in on meetings with Brian and the executives where everybody was going on about how much they liked the books, and how we should try to stick to the original look and feel as much as possible. I: So what did you do? S: I paid my son $15 to draw a couple of Bål Ku comic books. I: $15?! S: Hey, it's twice what he gets to mow the lawn. Anyway, he drew a couple of books --I had them printed up real nice, then we started talking about story. I: Tell us about the writing process. S: Well, I'm not allowed to tell you that it was written by a computer. Contractually forbidden to tell you that they scanned in one of the comic books, gave the thing a cast of characters and let an algorithmic drama generator crunch the thing over Labor Day. What I can tell you is that the first draft had a lot of problems, including the fact that all of Milkmaid Petra's lines were just 'I prefer beef' written in binary ASCII text. So we definitely didn't purchase an upgrade to the software and do a rewrite, that's for sure. So we went through a few revisions, then we ran out of money, and just shot it. Although it might seem like each scene was written entirely independtly of any other scene, that's definitely not the case. I think --despite the poor first draft-- we've managed to really make a pretty meaningful statement about clones and cloning. I: Wow. So where can people go to see Flame Cow? S: The film will be shown at a variety of secret times and locations around the country. Basically what you should do is try to just randomly walk around, looking for it. It could be anywhere: the side of a building, an access tunnel, projected on the ground from a moving airplane, your office, the back seat of a Datsun, even a movie theater. Just look for it, and you can't help but find it. How did Flip Nasty get involved in this blockbuster cinematic event? (excerpt from Torch & Bacon, reprinted by permission) CW: ....I had worked a little on another Brian Costello/Elise McIntosh Production called 'The Super X-League Wonder Justice Friends.' I wrote the theme song for this pilot for a TV show they were doing. T&B: Did it go on to become anything? CW: No, it was the strangest thing. They recorded it and everything, and it was looking good, then the Humvee they hired to take the tapes to the NBC Studios in Burbank was involved in a terrible accident. T&B: What happened? CW: Well, it passed near --I swear I'm not making this up-- a 'vortex' in Southern Oregon where the laws of physics apparently don't apply. T&B: What do you mean? CW: I guess that a plumb weight hangs out to the side or something. Anyway, the driver got curious, drove too close and POW! Burnt by lava. T&B: Lava? CW: Craziest thing. Anyway, I took the song and made 'Leave Me Be' out of it. Originally it went 'Who's going to save me now/That Superman is gone....' But you know, Brian knows I'm the best, so he contacted Checkmate and we put a little deal together. I was happy to help him --I've read the script, and I really think it speaks to our generation. 'David Bowie' is in it, even.